We all know what anger is, we have all felt it at some time or other in our life time, whether as a brief flash or in some people a full on rage. On the whole anger is a healthy human emotion if externalised safely, it is one of our primal emotions and is one of our trauma responses, designed to proctect us and help save our life in extreme circumstances. But when it gets out of control and turns destructive, it can lead to distinct problems in many areas, at work, in relationships, in society and in the overall quality of one`s own life. It can make us feel that we are at the mercy of a power that we cannot predict or control either in our selves or at the hands of someone else.
Anger is generally accepted to be an emotional state that varies in intensity and like other emotions; it is accompanied by physiological and biological changes. When we get angry, our heart rate and blood pressure go up, as do the levels of our energy hormones, adrenaline, and nor adrenalin. Anger can be caused by both external and internal events, we could get angry at a specific person at home or at work, a frustrating situation, a bad or upsetting memory or even a inanimate object.
Many things can trigger us either consciously or unconsciously, anger is an instinctive, natural way to express emotion. It is a natural, adaptive survival response to a threat, it can trigger powerful, often aggressive feelings and behaviour, which can allow us to fight and to defend ourselves when we are attacked. A certain amount of anger, therefore, is necessary to our survival.
On the other hand, we can`t physically lash out at every person or object that irritates or annoys us. Laws, social norms, and common sense place limits on how far our anger can take us. People use a variety of both conscious and unconscious processes to deal with their angry feelings.
Anger can be suppressed, and then converted, redirected and projected onto others. This happens when you hold in your anger or have been prevented in the past to let it out. Often if you have not historically been allowed outward expression, your anger can turn inward onto your self.
Anger is not always obvious, unexpressed it can turn into passive aggression. This is behaviour that will take on the form of getting back at people indirectly, without telling them why, rather than confronting them face-to-face.
It can take on the face of perpetually being cynical, being hostile and constantly putting others down by criticising. It doesn’t always mean cursing or and throwing things, sometimes they withdraw socially, or get physically ill.
Bespoke Therapy will help you learn how to express your angry feelings in an healthier way and not through out of control aggression.
We help you learn how to make clear what your needs are and what your point is by being respectful of yourself and others, without hurting anyone or damaging something.
We help you communicate effectively and rationally.
We help you convert your negative energy into something more constructive by focusing on something else and/or by looking at the reasons behind your anger.
Anger turned inward and surpressed may cause,
1) Hypertension, (high blood pressure).
2) Increased cholesterol level,.
4) Damaged or blocked arteries.
5) Agrgravated heart disease.
6) Longer recovery from major traumas to the body (e.g. operations).
7) Other somatic issues.
We help you find strategies to enable you to self-soothe and calm down your internal world and responses, not just controlling your outward behaviour.
We help you with anger as part of a wider counselling process or specifically anger management.
Please see the anger management tag on the right hand side.
This is to reduce both your emotional feelings and the physiological arousal that anger causes that you can`t get rid of, or avoid. You cannot control or change the things or the people that enrage you, but you can learn to control your reactions.
Anger doesn`t solve a thing.
Anger can quickly become irrational and unsafe.
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